365th

I must say and to be honest, i spent these several past days with the shades of tears. I don't know how these bad things could be happened in a row.
My favorite laptop with my whole files, thesis, pictures, videos, all things precious is gone in couple of days ago. I know it was my fault and i shouldn't left it in my car that day. My parents so mad at me and i don't have any idea how can i do my thesis after this. Or my projects, or if i need my old files. i am terribly sad, upset, and regret that i left it inside my car. Someone stole it and broke the left door of my car. I didn't realize that it was gone until i get to my friend's flat and when i wanted to take it, it wasn't there. I got panicked, my friend was instantly take me back to campus right in the parking lot where i was parked my car, i asked the security, my friend asked some people who were there, but then i got nothing. No clues cause no one gave attention to my car, and my laptop was really gone and lost. I just hope that maybe somehow i could find it back. It's not about the laptop but all the files. They are really important.

next,

I am no more with you.
I couldn't explain anything with this. We both know that us is something impossible. Ever since we shake hands. But i somehow, i don't know if you meant to do that or it's just me who misread, that you were convinced me that somehow or somewhat and someway we could be together someday. And that's why i keep myself stay with us. I keep fight for us. Cause i do really believe that us is possible. It's just matter of time.
The thing is i realized it now that actually, it's just  me who believe it. I didn't mean that you're not loving me but the thing is i know that our purpose on this thing between us is different now. And that's make me sick. truthfully. and i know so do you.
So i decide to go and won't get back into this. Cause i know if i stay, vanishes, lies, naives are the things inside our relationship beneath those cheers, kisses, and laughs. and i know it will hurt so deep for both of us. and i had enough to experience that. I truly had enough. And i truthfully know that so do you.

So by the end of 2015. I guess i know why these bad and teary things had happen to me. I guess God has prepared something better for me and by these things He wants me to take the lessons. Really take it and learn it so i won't face these anymore.

And you.
I tell you, that this will be my last tears for you. So please don't come back.
I love you have a great life.

xo,
T

Instead of fall, I am drowned

No.
It is not the expression of regret nor rage.
Just a mere of enigma that cling to a mere girl.
She ain't despair but fluster.
Wondering where her soul has been gone.
She is empty.
and frightened.

Her longing to the world is the worst.
While from the unreachable sky, He is waiting.
Offering an everlasting solace.
She should be answer His invitation.
But why still stay, Cherie?
Waiting for the soul that lost?

Oh Cherie.
She already flew up high towards Him.
Resting her fatigue cause she played too hard.
Why wondering where she is?

Go home Cherie.
She is already there.
and He is waiting.

xx

That Green Dim Light

Yesterday in the middle of stressing phase in my first chapter of my thesis, I decided to watch a movie. And I came up with The Great Gatsby of a sudden because I remembered that I haven’t watched it yet. And my first impression is

WHAT THE HELL-GREAT COMBINATION OF TOBEY MAGUIRE AND LEONARDO DICAPRIO IN ONE SCREENPLAY!

They are such a darling and too hot to be together in a one screen. Not to mention their acting. they’re the best for sure. The set is also my favorite. I adore so much the post world war I lifestyle in U.S. They were classy and so passionate but surely negative to the liquors and the racists things. But still who doesn’t love to see their glamorous life with those dazzling dresses, fancy parties with those swingy-jazzy tunes, and the funny-tipsy dance, those all a great yet terrifying combination. Why is that so? Just wonder if you get high every night and you just end up with some guy. Well, a guy it’s fine but what if you end up with someone who’s married. Oh gosh okay this shouldn’t be typed.

And now, about the story line. Woohoo.

Frankly, I don’t know how but, I do feel what Gatsby experienced.  To reach something unreachable or to have something that limited, and when you surprisingly got the chance to reach it or have it in just one step it suddenly puffed up and gone. The big question is why on earth we have to experience such a pitiful things like that. I mean what’s the point of us just to be there, right before the finish line to grasp the thing we crave for but it comes up with nothing? Is it just for us to watch the thing vanish clearer? If you thought so then you can blame fate.

But I’m not saying that I agree with the thought and by that I’m neither disagree with it.  Cause for me that’s all pointless. I mean, we sometimes argue whether things are wrong or right or it shouldn’t be like the way it is while truthfully world doesn’t offer such thing as an absolute righteousness. That divine thing is define by the groups of perfections and finals. Unfortunately the world has zero of them. Cause none is final. We are not final. Just a mere of a sentence without punctuation. Ambiguous, blur, and not final.

So why bother? It’s true that our life tends to reach the final and perfection. But that’s not the only thing and the main purpose of this life. If you ask me what it is, I will say life is mattered by an act of acceptance. Why is that so? back again then, cause all things are not final so what we only can do is to accept all the things.

And Gatsby. Well, I don’t see that he nearly understand about the idea of acceptance. It’s true that Daisy loved him since and for forever. But for having her it’s sadly just an illusion. Just like that green light right on the opposite of his dock. All he could do just seeing it from afar and no matter how much he stretch his hand to it, it still far away and unreachable.

World is indeed a big stage of comedies. All that insane thing could happen. So just laugh to it in terms of acceptance. What happened to Gatsby happened to me as well. And perhaps so do you. To accept such a pitiful thing is f**king hard and suffering. And I do feel Gatsby that we’re indeed tipsy by love so the idea to accept that pitiful thing is such a pathetic deed. So no wonder if he prefer to wait for a call from her till he’s dead. Cause he never shakes his hand with the acceptance. And so there he was. Drawn with his own idea of struggling a flawless love.

And how about me? Will I end up just like Gatsby or will I accept it?

Well..

I guess, I prefer to sit here with a glass of ice tea, swingy-jazzy tunes, and a show of my own fate then laugh and enjoy at it.

Cause why should I rush to choose which the right deeds to do? I am not final yet tho. So does the world. I’m accepting all of them by giggles. This world is just a mere stage of comedies, right?

Why bother? Enjoy! We’re not final yet.

Xx,

T

Renaissance

Days turning to those papers, books, journals, and scores-less. My failure on last semester reminds me that i am here because the sake of those social theories not because of those crochets, minims, nor braves. It should be my last semester on college but i was took all the things too easy so now i have to take one more semester. It shoot me down but what else i can do except starting over with my thesis and mending all my manners and unfortunately, cut my schedule on singing rehearsals. It's hard but i have to get focus so i could get it done in the mid of next semester *crossing fingers*.

So yeah. i am typing my stresses because of my own fault right now. ha! i know you're laughing!
I just hope that i wont die because of this new mundane which obviously-honestly i am not really good at it and it's increasing my tense. Nonetheless, sociology is me and i am here because the sake of it. So this is my time to do something for this subject which i learn since i was in high school. Fears, excitements, and worries are diffusing in one word. Obligation. I oblige to explain what people do through the paradigms and methods from the numerous sociologist. Thus, let's observe, identify, and analyze.
*taking deep breath*
*inhales-exhales*

okay! Give a way to the next Bachelor on Sociology,
T
 

From The Tuesday Man

Who is he you may ask?
He is a professor, sociologist, dancer, art-appreciator and a great human being. I met him in words arranged by Mitch Albom through his Tuesdays With Morrie. And for me there's no other fascinating way to meet a person in their stories.
What do i really admire from Morrie is his perspective to see things especially about death. Things that people scared of and the reason of despair. But he had his own glasses for see through the death. He seemed enjoying his last days surrounded by his loves and share all of his thoughts, and were honest about everything in life. He had no fear, he just let things happened as it was and were being brave to facing death. By his lecture, i learned that how precious every second we have in our life. And there's no time for us to regret things that happened in our life cause it's indeed the part of living. We don't need to keep asking why cause it is the way. So just keep moving forward and deal with it.
Yes, it's damn hard right?
But Morrie gave the key. He said according to the Buddhist, "Don't cling to things because everything is impermanent". Our shits nowadays are mostly about letting go something. We usually wondering why those good things must be vanish in our phase of life when we actually feel that we really cling, connected, and comfort. It's indeed hurt but what else we could do when they are really want to go? Things on this world has its period so just take it easy.
That is just a piece from his other brilliant thoughts. But I surely will reread this beautiful books when i reach my 70ish age. Hoping that i will have the same brave and excitement as Morrie in learning about death and at once appreciating life.

Great book indeed!
xo,
T

Ephemeral Sunshine Instead

Hey!

These past 3 months went hard, annoying, exhausting, and confusing. I couldn't get my own longing, my own thoughts, my own feeling, even my own deeds. Things were going too fast i guess so my brain couldn't catch it as fast as it comes.
The bomb has already blown up right at the 10th seconds not at 0 as it used to be. I ain't prepared that much so yeah i kinda messed up.
Keep blaming all this universe why this has to be happened again on me and why i have to drink the same tears like i've done it before.
And still believing that things would be fine like it used to when the fact everything has been wrecked into pieces.
So then i found myself laughing to me.
For being that stupid and being such a pathetic girl, a whore, and a loser.
Hahaha!

and it hits me that i think Summer was right
"Love is just a fantasy"

It's enough for me to see that all these people are just the same.
So i am stop doing this thing. i am exhausted
i really need a rest, God.
These wounds are really more than enough.
Seriously.
I'm done and it was really great! Yes I mean it! so please stop.

Funny isn't it to see and experiencing  your favorite movie is rolling in your own life?
Hey Tom i know that feel!

xo,
T

She (finally) smelled Europe

There is no words on this planet could describe how blessed, happy, amazed, honored, and excited i am about the idea of God's way to make one of my dream comes true. Joys and cherries were always there as i stepped my feet on Europe.
This beautiful chance was came from my university's choir. God put me in the middle of those great singers i've ever known. Is not just about music that i've learned from and with them, but also about togetherness, struggles, respect, discipline,be grateful, believing, and surrender. They are not just a choir team but also a family. And last month, from April 18th to 29th 2015, we had chance to go to the beautiful city of Tallinn in Estonia. We had an international choir competition in Tallinn and by God's blessings and mercy we've got 1st place on Folklore songs category, 3rd place on Early music category, and an exciting chance to sing on Grand Prix. We had so much fun on the stage and we had such an amazing chance to experiencing those great applause, standing ovation, and their other crazy way to showing their appreciation. That was the best feeling for me as a performer, chorister, and musicians. I just can't stop saying thank you Lord Jesus.

 

And another thing that makes me super-dupper happy is...
i've finally stepping my foot on the city that i've been dreaming of for this long time.
Oui, PARIS MON CHER!

I'll be back!

xo,
T

23:35 of the Soprano

Yellow there!
In the middle of the most boring holidays with the tension caused by the results for this semester but am glad that the 5th semester has already passed. It was pretty hard tho, i had this one subject and it values 4 sks, so the lecture was going like forever and its tasks was like they wont stop coming. But i actually pretty enjoyed the lecture cause the Professor was really good on explaining things, though he forced us to bought like almost a dozen of books and we had to bring them all in class, but then i glad that i still enjoyed it. The lecture not those tasks. And surprisingly, i just ended up with B which is pretty ... annoying ... but i guess i deserve it since i abandoned some tasks. he he. And for the rests of the subjects i'm still waiting for the scores *finger cross*. So i guess, that's the 5th  semester. Wasn't that good and wasn't that bad. C'est comme ci comme ça.

Anyways, the reason why i'm typing this post it's because i realize that i have the MUSIC label on my right tab bar and as i remembered i haven't made any post which described what is music to me and what kind of music i am. So here it is boom .. booom... boomm...
First of all, let me declare this to you that, Music is everything to my life *blaah cliché*. But it is. It really is cause it's impossible that me without music. And music impacted my days, my personalities and my point of view a lot, like the way i think of something could be different between before i had listening to one of the really good damn song, lyrically and/or musically, and after i have listening to it. It's sort of like that.
yeah it is.
well this kind of declaration and description is lame right?
shit.

Move on!
So, i like almost every kind of music. But mostly i enjoyed soul, jazz, RnB, pop, and other kind of normal music. I love the instrumental too! -don't underestimate me. My taste is not that shallow *glasses on*- All my love goes to Miles Davis and John Coltrane. I also enjoyed myself to Classical. Well, this one is pretty new for me, but not that new actually. I've met them when i took a basic piano lessons and when i was one of the member of the Classical children choir when i was like 13 or something. But i was not have that huge interest with the genre. I was sung and played it just as a lessons and nothing more. But things have changed ever since I've joined the Choir in my campus. I started to like it and have an interest to the genre and wanna being a real and pro chorister *amen*. I'm still a moron tho with this genre and still confuse in dividing whether it is a Baroque, Renaissance, Early or other kind of classics. But i'm willing to learn about them all. I also take i private course to improve my singing skill especially in classic. And it surprises me that my vocal cords are more comfort singing this kind of musics than others. While, honestly, i am more enjoy singing or playing with some groovy or jazzy or soul or other kind of those genres. But it turns out that i love Music more with its varieties. It makes me 'rich'.

Talking about classics i have these songs which are my favorite so far.



Well that's all i guess hehe. So far. I've been sing almost of the songs, but not (yet) with the Seal Lullaby by Eric Whitacre and the Ronde sung by Chanticleer but it will be performing soon! So exciting and stressed me out. It's quite hard. And i'm still waiting for a chance to sing the Whitacre's. I looveee his chords that he used. So beautiful!

I guess that's it about the classic that i know and i like so far. This kind of post really excites me so i guess more to come with other genres *yippie*.

To be a chorister for me is an honored actually cause this is just kind of my place. I do really love to sing and singing  in Choir has a different energy and it feels amazing. I don't know how to describe. But the most big motivation why i decided to dedicate myself into music especially in this chorister thing, is my coach's quote. He said "For all these times, music is always there for you. When you're sad music's there for cheering you up and when you're happy music's also there for you. So now, this is your turn to do something for music. Make it alive and everlasting"

xx,

T