Instead of fall, I am drowned

No.
It is not the expression of regret nor rage.
Just a mere of enigma that cling to a mere girl.
She ain't despair but fluster.
Wondering where her soul has been gone.
She is empty.
and frightened.

Her longing to the world is the worst.
While from the unreachable sky, He is waiting.
Offering an everlasting solace.
She should be answer His invitation.
But why still stay, Cherie?
Waiting for the soul that lost?

Oh Cherie.
She already flew up high towards Him.
Resting her fatigue cause she played too hard.
Why wondering where she is?

Go home Cherie.
She is already there.
and He is waiting.

xx

That Green Dim Light

Yesterday in the middle of stressing phase in my first chapter of my thesis, I decided to watch a movie. And I came up with The Great Gatsby of a sudden because I remembered that I haven’t watched it yet. And my first impression is

WHAT THE HELL-GREAT COMBINATION OF TOBEY MAGUIRE AND LEONARDO DICAPRIO IN ONE SCREENPLAY!

They are such a darling and too hot to be together in a one screen. Not to mention their acting. they’re the best for sure. The set is also my favorite. I adore so much the post world war I lifestyle in U.S. They were classy and so passionate but surely negative to the liquors and the racists things. But still who doesn’t love to see their glamorous life with those dazzling dresses, fancy parties with those swingy-jazzy tunes, and the funny-tipsy dance, those all a great yet terrifying combination. Why is that so? Just wonder if you get high every night and you just end up with some guy. Well, a guy it’s fine but what if you end up with someone who’s married. Oh gosh okay this shouldn’t be typed.

And now, about the story line. Woohoo.

Frankly, I don’t know how but, I do feel what Gatsby experienced.  To reach something unreachable or to have something that limited, and when you surprisingly got the chance to reach it or have it in just one step it suddenly puffed up and gone. The big question is why on earth we have to experience such a pitiful things like that. I mean what’s the point of us just to be there, right before the finish line to grasp the thing we crave for but it comes up with nothing? Is it just for us to watch the thing vanish clearer? If you thought so then you can blame fate.

But I’m not saying that I agree with the thought and by that I’m neither disagree with it.  Cause for me that’s all pointless. I mean, we sometimes argue whether things are wrong or right or it shouldn’t be like the way it is while truthfully world doesn’t offer such thing as an absolute righteousness. That divine thing is define by the groups of perfections and finals. Unfortunately the world has zero of them. Cause none is final. We are not final. Just a mere of a sentence without punctuation. Ambiguous, blur, and not final.

So why bother? It’s true that our life tends to reach the final and perfection. But that’s not the only thing and the main purpose of this life. If you ask me what it is, I will say life is mattered by an act of acceptance. Why is that so? back again then, cause all things are not final so what we only can do is to accept all the things.

And Gatsby. Well, I don’t see that he nearly understand about the idea of acceptance. It’s true that Daisy loved him since and for forever. But for having her it’s sadly just an illusion. Just like that green light right on the opposite of his dock. All he could do just seeing it from afar and no matter how much he stretch his hand to it, it still far away and unreachable.

World is indeed a big stage of comedies. All that insane thing could happen. So just laugh to it in terms of acceptance. What happened to Gatsby happened to me as well. And perhaps so do you. To accept such a pitiful thing is f**king hard and suffering. And I do feel Gatsby that we’re indeed tipsy by love so the idea to accept that pitiful thing is such a pathetic deed. So no wonder if he prefer to wait for a call from her till he’s dead. Cause he never shakes his hand with the acceptance. And so there he was. Drawn with his own idea of struggling a flawless love.

And how about me? Will I end up just like Gatsby or will I accept it?

Well..

I guess, I prefer to sit here with a glass of ice tea, swingy-jazzy tunes, and a show of my own fate then laugh and enjoy at it.

Cause why should I rush to choose which the right deeds to do? I am not final yet tho. So does the world. I’m accepting all of them by giggles. This world is just a mere stage of comedies, right?

Why bother? Enjoy! We’re not final yet.

Xx,

T

Renaissance

Days turning to those papers, books, journals, and scores-less. My failure on last semester reminds me that i am here because the sake of those social theories not because of those crochets, minims, nor braves. It should be my last semester on college but i was took all the things too easy so now i have to take one more semester. It shoot me down but what else i can do except starting over with my thesis and mending all my manners and unfortunately, cut my schedule on singing rehearsals. It's hard but i have to get focus so i could get it done in the mid of next semester *crossing fingers*.

So yeah. i am typing my stresses because of my own fault right now. ha! i know you're laughing!
I just hope that i wont die because of this new mundane which obviously-honestly i am not really good at it and it's increasing my tense. Nonetheless, sociology is me and i am here because the sake of it. So this is my time to do something for this subject which i learn since i was in high school. Fears, excitements, and worries are diffusing in one word. Obligation. I oblige to explain what people do through the paradigms and methods from the numerous sociologist. Thus, let's observe, identify, and analyze.
*taking deep breath*
*inhales-exhales*

okay! Give a way to the next Bachelor on Sociology,
T
 

From The Tuesday Man

Who is he you may ask?
He is a professor, sociologist, dancer, art-appreciator and a great human being. I met him in words arranged by Mitch Albom through his Tuesdays With Morrie. And for me there's no other fascinating way to meet a person in their stories.
What do i really admire from Morrie is his perspective to see things especially about death. Things that people scared of and the reason of despair. But he had his own glasses for see through the death. He seemed enjoying his last days surrounded by his loves and share all of his thoughts, and were honest about everything in life. He had no fear, he just let things happened as it was and were being brave to facing death. By his lecture, i learned that how precious every second we have in our life. And there's no time for us to regret things that happened in our life cause it's indeed the part of living. We don't need to keep asking why cause it is the way. So just keep moving forward and deal with it.
Yes, it's damn hard right?
But Morrie gave the key. He said according to the Buddhist, "Don't cling to things because everything is impermanent". Our shits nowadays are mostly about letting go something. We usually wondering why those good things must be vanish in our phase of life when we actually feel that we really cling, connected, and comfort. It's indeed hurt but what else we could do when they are really want to go? Things on this world has its period so just take it easy.
That is just a piece from his other brilliant thoughts. But I surely will reread this beautiful books when i reach my 70ish age. Hoping that i will have the same brave and excitement as Morrie in learning about death and at once appreciating life.

Great book indeed!
xo,
T