What are we actually looking for in this life?

This question been haunted me recently. I know that human lives for some dissatisfaction so that's why we keep on  improving ourselves so we could gain more and the better.
But recently i'm just wondering what is actually at the end, the most aspect that human actually searching or fight for.
In this early 20ish age of me i know i shouldn't too bother of that instead of using all my energies to do all the things that i want or other things i'm able to do. Cause much all people said this is the perfect phase of life to gain experiences as much as i could.
That's true indeed. But with this thought inside me, i just want to making sure that things i did or i'm doing right now or soon i will do, won't end to some vain or worst, regrets.

Talking about career, i recently somehow take hotelier as my now-on-career. I ended up (for now) being a receptionist at one hotel in my hometown. Which honestly i kinda, you know, it's not my passion and it's not kind of job that i expected after i got my bachelor *if you know what i really want to say, then*. To be honest i don't actually suit on the schedule cause i have to work based on the time-shift and i just got a one-day-off after five days works which means in a week i just have only a day to have some rest and have some fun. The work is pretty much fine actually, though until right now i still do some kind of troubles, but i guess the pressures are normal for me as the first timer worker. So, so far i could say it's a yeah-fine, cause i guess it's a not-so-bad starter plus i got an experience as a hotelier. Oh yes and the salary is totally fine so that's why i don't mind to signed the contract.

But then, though it's a yeah-fine, it's still not my passion. I often find myself grumbling, complaining, and sometimes crying. Cause the weary is so much real when you do the things that isn't really belongs to you, is actually your daily basis routine. I actually could just leave it and fight for other careers that might be better and more suitable for me, but, here is the dilemma. If i lost this job i will probably *and i will* lost my chance to keep on singing and shining.
So actually the main reason why am i OK to do this job is, i could still be able to sing with my choir mates and join the competition abroad this summer. And i can't deny to keep on singing plus join the competition cause hell yeah! THIS IS the thing that i'm living for. To sing and shine through it.
And with this job i could save the money to go abroad without bother my parents, and stay still in this town. So that's why,

I keep let myself do the things that isn't me to provide my real Passion.

And at this point of my life, i just still couldn't believe that life could be that tricky. How come two contradictory things work out at the same period.
Or may be is this called a fairness? Instead of singing is the thing i fight for, Singing is a Reward for me cause my fidelity on my duties.

darn..

Well, for my opinion what i'm doing right now -i mean the job- is one of my fight to keep my dream alive. Just like Seb on La la Land he's doing what he doesn't like to make his dreams come true.
So yes, Dream has its own price. And it's not cheap.

By then, i don't know what will happen after this summer. As the time run, i'm excited that i will be leaving this job and living my dream for about two weeks in Europe, then i still can't figure out what's next.

Should i follow my dreams or be realistic, or again make a vice versa.

damn,
life is tricky darn.

xo,

T