What are we actually looking for in this life?

This question been haunted me recently. I know that human lives for some dissatisfaction so that's why we keep on  improving ourselves so we could gain more and the better.
But recently i'm just wondering what is actually at the end, the most aspect that human actually searching or fight for.
In this early 20ish age of me i know i shouldn't too bother of that instead of using all my energies to do all the things that i want or other things i'm able to do. Cause much all people said this is the perfect phase of life to gain experiences as much as i could.
That's true indeed. But with this thought inside me, i just want to making sure that things i did or i'm doing right now or soon i will do, won't end to some vain or worst, regrets.

Talking about career, i recently somehow take hotelier as my now-on-career. I ended up (for now) being a receptionist at one hotel in my hometown. Which honestly i kinda, you know, it's not my passion and it's not kind of job that i expected after i got my bachelor *if you know what i really want to say, then*. To be honest i don't actually suit on the schedule cause i have to work based on the time-shift and i just got a one-day-off after five days works which means in a week i just have only a day to have some rest and have some fun. The work is pretty much fine actually, though until right now i still do some kind of troubles, but i guess the pressures are normal for me as the first timer worker. So, so far i could say it's a yeah-fine, cause i guess it's a not-so-bad starter plus i got an experience as a hotelier. Oh yes and the salary is totally fine so that's why i don't mind to signed the contract.

But then, though it's a yeah-fine, it's still not my passion. I often find myself grumbling, complaining, and sometimes crying. Cause the weary is so much real when you do the things that isn't really belongs to you, is actually your daily basis routine. I actually could just leave it and fight for other careers that might be better and more suitable for me, but, here is the dilemma. If i lost this job i will probably *and i will* lost my chance to keep on singing and shining.
So actually the main reason why am i OK to do this job is, i could still be able to sing with my choir mates and join the competition abroad this summer. And i can't deny to keep on singing plus join the competition cause hell yeah! THIS IS the thing that i'm living for. To sing and shine through it.
And with this job i could save the money to go abroad without bother my parents, and stay still in this town. So that's why,

I keep let myself do the things that isn't me to provide my real Passion.

And at this point of my life, i just still couldn't believe that life could be that tricky. How come two contradictory things work out at the same period.
Or may be is this called a fairness? Instead of singing is the thing i fight for, Singing is a Reward for me cause my fidelity on my duties.

darn..

Well, for my opinion what i'm doing right now -i mean the job- is one of my fight to keep my dream alive. Just like Seb on La la Land he's doing what he doesn't like to make his dreams come true.
So yes, Dream has its own price. And it's not cheap.

By then, i don't know what will happen after this summer. As the time run, i'm excited that i will be leaving this job and living my dream for about two weeks in Europe, then i still can't figure out what's next.

Should i follow my dreams or be realistic, or again make a vice versa.

damn,
life is tricky darn.

xo,

T

Peace

Our love coasts everything.
Whilst we are just a mere human who have nothing.
We ain't Jesus or Muhammad who sacrifice all their life for the human being salvation.

We cling on to many things in this world.
And our love coasts the despair of them.
Love is indeed a powerful yet the infinite entity in this life.

But our love is just a dust without any sacrifice.
And to pay it, the coast is everything.

We do in love.
But do we have everything to redeem it?

Darling, our love coasts everything.

and we are nothing.

October, 23rd 2015

xo,

T

I saw the real life, yesterday.

I guess.

So my friend and i just got a new experience that we thought it would change our point of view about what life is. Well, maybe the thing that i experienced yesterday is something natural that happen to all of humans. But then again, it's new for me. And it changed everything that i see through my eyes.
---
Our.Art Production is a little company that my friend arranged about a year ago or so. She asked me and some of my friends to join in, and so we did. What we do through this little company is a kind of branding marketing and consultant. The job contains maintaining the brand of a company itself through media socials and some kind of events. We also could make a profile company and such, in terms of  the company's necessity.

Okay. i might sound like a marketing now...

But the thing is, we're just a starter. And we are still have a very minimum experiences. And we sometimes just don't know what to do and have zero ideas while our job is actually make some fresh ideas. It stressed out us sometimes but we always end up with a big laughs and some nasty jokes.

-That's what happened if you work with your best friends-

And so, two days ago we met our very first serious client. They wanted us to make a profile company both in hard copy and a video. After we gave a presentation to someone like -i don't know if he is the secretary of the owner or so, he looked impressed and sure with us and he said that they will call us after he discuss it with the owner. Short long story, at first the secretary didn't say that the owner will be join. But about 15 minutes after we had that discussion, the owner came and he asked me and my friend to do the presentation again.

And somehow we were got numb all of sudden. The words were stop right in the edge of our tongues and we just lost our marketing sense. We don't have any portfolio yet for the profile company, cause this one is our very first time so we just show them the template and the concept that we could make.
Then the owner just hit us with,
"So what things that you have made already? Your portfolio maybe? The videos or anything. Can we see?"
we said, "This is our first time, sir. We don't have any portfolio yet."
"Okay." Said the owner with that kind of -gosh they're still kid. am i really spend my money and my trust for them- face.

For God sake it was really tense. I was shivering and so was my friend. After that hit, he hit us again with
"What is your background?"
"Sociology, sir."
"Oh really? Sociology? You could be more attractive than this. So you could convince me about your company and your concepts."
"-dying-"

But after he found out that we have a Sociology background, our talk moved out to CSR and other social things that still relate to the company. And the tense were slowly faded and yeah that's it.

The thing that i just want to say is. That real world is so much different from things that you've learned in a class or what you've experienced through some committees that you were join. The pressures are 90% heavier and the responsibilities are have no hole. Perfect is your duty and you can't simplify even a very single little thing.
All you need is a maturity now.
Isn't a joke anymore that you face.

Oh yes, i'm talking to myself.

brace it,

T 

An update

Hey i got something big for y'all. I just wanna tell that i just...

PASSED THE FINAL EXAMINATION FOR MY THESIS!!!

YES I'M GOING TO OFFICIALLY PUT S.SOSIO RIGHT AFTER MY NAME (hopefully) THIS SEPTEMBER!

Hah! I finally finished my thesis last May and by the end of that month, i had to gave some presentation right in front of my 3 lecturers, then they asked me numerous questions and gave me some critics -oh yes i have a lot of revisi that i have to do, but it turns out to a procrastination (so far tho).

Then after i spent about an hour and a half of that sidang, i ended up with an AB as my final score that i thought it was just a miracle cause for me my thesis has sooo many messes. Hahaha! But yeah, that's what i got, that was the thing that happened to me and i can't ask God no more cause this is just a great-massive-hilarious blessed to me.

So that's my update so far. honestly i really really want to post something worth it but i just got stuck and i have no idea what to write. big time. I'll be back soon with something that worthy and bloggy to post, so this blog ain't turn lame.

By then,

keep on alive! Cause life is too good..

-so far-

here is a pic!

yes, i was going to die.

xo,

T